A woman goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor, I’ve got a bit of a problem. I’ll have to take my clothes off to show you.” The doctor tells her to go behind the screen and disrobe. She does so, and the doctor goes around to see her when she is ready. “Well, what is … Read more
President Dubya was awakened one night by an urgent call from the Pentagon. “Mr. President,” said the four-star general, barely able to contain himself, “there’s good news and bad news.” “Oh, no…” muttered the President, “Well, let me have the bad news first.” “The bad news, sir, is that we’ve been invaded by creatures from … Read more
An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, “Ah, you’re an engineer — you’re in the wrong place.” So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing … Read more
Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven where they are met by St. Peter at the pearly gates. St. Peter says, “Ladies, you all led such wonderful lives that I’m granting you six months to go back to Earth and be anyone you want.” The first nun says, “I want to be Sophia Loren,” … Read more
A group of hikers were being led through the wilderness by a guide. On the third day, the hikers noticed that they had been travelling in circles. “We’re lost!” one of the men complained. “I thought you said you were the best guide in the United States.” “I am,” the guide answered, “but I think … Read more
Two brothers, John and Richard, lived in the same town. John with his 12-year-old cat, and Richard with their 88-year-old mother. John’s whole life was his cat. He never went anywhere without her. One day he was faced with a terrible decision. He had to go to England on business for his company and he … Read more
There were three fathers-to-be in a hospital waiting room, waiting for their babies to be born. The nurse came out and told the first father, “Congratulations, you’re the father of twins!” “It figures,” the first father said. “I’m the manager of the Minnesota Twins.” Five minutes later, the nurse came out and told the second … Read more
A man walked into a supermarket with his zipper down and his fly wide open. A lady cashier walked up to him and said, “Your barracks door is open.” This is not a phrase men normally use, so he went on his way looking a bit puzzled. When he was about done shopping, a man … Read more
A wealthy woman is giving a garden party, and several well-to-do guests attend. While the party ensues, two gardeners are out on the back lawn working. One of the guests was watching the gardeners do their thing, and while one gardener was busy weeding, the other jumped up and did graceful swirling dance movements. Taken … Read more
There’s a guy with a Doberman Pinscher and a guy with a Chihuahua. The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says to the guy with a Chihuahua, “Let’s go over to that restaurant and get something to eat.” The guy with the Chihuahua says, “We can’t go in there. We’ve got dogs with us.” The guy … Read more