A woman was talking to her friend about her recent trip to Spokane, Washington. Her friend asked her how she liked Spokane. “I don’t know,” she answered. “I never got there.” “You never got there!” her friend exclaimed. “What do you mean?” “You know me,” the woman answered. “I have to stop at every rest … Read more
About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Jews had to leave Rome. Naturally, there was a big uproar from the Jewish community. So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Jewish community. If the Jew won, the Jews could stay. If … Read more
A young woman was in the hospital, recovering from major surgery. She hated being stuck in the tiny little room all day, and to make matters worse, the daily routine was starting to get to her. Every morning, for example, the nurse would bring her breakfast (which always consisted of an egg, a piece of … Read more
A very wealthy man, old and desperately ill, summons to his bedside his three closest advisors: his doctor, his priest, and his lawyer. “I know,” he says, “they say ‘you can’t take it with you.’ But who knows? Suppose they’re mistaken. I’d like to have something with me, just in case. So I am giving … Read more
Attorney to witness: “And where was the location of the accident?” Witness: “Approximately milepost 499.” Attorney: “And where is milepost 499?” Witness: “About halfway between milepost 498 and milepost 500.”
A housewife, an accountant, and a lawyer were asked, “How much is 2+2?” The housewife replies: “Four!” The accountant says: “I think it’s either 3 or 4. Let me run those figures through my spreadsheet one more time.” The lawyer pulls the drapes, dims the lights, and asks in a hushed voice, “How much do … Read more
There once was a rich man who was near death. He was very grieved because he had worked so hard for his money and he wanted to be able to take it with him to heaven. So he began to pray that he might be able to take some of his wealth with him. An … Read more
During a recent publicity outing, Hillary sneaked off to visit a fortune teller of some local repute. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news. “There’s no easy way to say this, so I’ll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die … Read more
At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, “Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?” The other replied, “Yes, I am. I married the wrong man.”
President Clinton and the Pope died on the same day. Due to an administrative foul-up, Clinton was sent to heaven and the Pope was sent to hell. The Pope explained the situation to the devil, who checked all the paperwork and acknowledged the error. The Pope was told, however, that it would take about 24 … Read more