A man walks into a doctor’s office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear, and a banana in his right ear. “What’s the matter with me?” he asks the doctor. The doctor replies, “You’re not eating properly.”
A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” And the father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”
A doctor is walking down the hall of the hospital toward his office when he passes Mother Angelica walking very briskly while saying her rosary rather loudly. His associate, a psychiatrist, comes around the corner next and he asks him about this. “Hey, what’s with Mother Angelica? She was just hoofing down the hall and … Read more
In March 1992, a man living in Newton near Boston, Massachusetts, received a bill for his as-yet-unused credit card stating that he owed $0.00. He ignored it and threw it away. In April, he received another bill and threw that one away too. The following month, the credit card company sent him a very nasty … Read more
A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, “Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!” “What do you mean? I’m fine.” “What about that wooden leg? You didn’t have that before.” “Well,” said the pirate, “We were in a battle at sea and a cannonball hit my … Read more
The man was in a hurry to board the airplane and didn’t have time to do the paperwork to get his little doggie on board. So the man stashed the puppy down the front of his pants and sneaked him on the plane. About 30 minutes into the flight, a stewardess noticed that the man … Read more
A group of tourists was being guided through an ancient castle in Europe. “This place,” the guide told them, “is 600 years old.” There were appreciative murmurs from the crowd. “Not a stone in it has been touched,” the guide continued, “nothing altered, nothing replaced in all those years.” “Wow,” piped up one woman from … Read more
A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: “My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb.” “Well put,” the judge … Read more
This blonde is driving down the road in her brand new, candy-apple red, $125,000 Lamborghini. She’s cruising about 95, radio blaring, having a great time. She comes up on this trucker who is carrying a double-wide home and is taking up both lanes. To her disliking, he is only going about 45. To get the … Read more
Top Ten Reasons Hurricane Season is Like Christmas 10. Up on a ladder in bad weather; either decorating the house or boarding up windows. 9. You drag out boxes of supplies you haven’t used since last season. 8. Last minute shopping in crowded stores. 7. Favorite TV shows pre-empted for ‘specials’. 6. Family comes to … Read more