A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. “But officer,” the man began, “I can explain.” “Just be quiet,” snapped the officer. “I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.” “But, officer, I just wanted to say,” “And I said … Read more
In the days of old sailing ships, the captain of the Seahawk went out on deck to get some fresh air. From above, a cry came down from the crow’s nest: “Enemy ship off the port bow!” The captain said to the ensign standing next to him, “Get me my red shirt.” A battle ensued, … Read more
A young boy, about eight years old, was at the corner “Mom & Pop” grocery picking out a pretty good size box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over and, trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do. “Oh, no laundry,” the boy said, “I’m going to … Read more
Jesus came to Moses in heaven one day and said, “We’ve got to do something about this golf thing. No one goes to church anymore.” “What should we do?” Moses asked. “In order to combat this, we’ve got to know what it is,” Jesus said. “Meet me at the golf course tomorrow morning.” The next … Read more
A man goes into the hospital for some tests. The medical staff knock him out, and when he comes around, there is a doctor peering over him, pulling up the eyelid and wielding the reflex hammer. The doctor says, “Ah, I’m glad you’re awake. I’m afraid I have some mixed news.” The man says, “Don’t … Read more
Two cowboys come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. One of the cowboys stops and says to the other, “You see that Indian?” “Yeah,” says the other cowboy. “Look,” says the first one, “he’s listening to the ground. He can hear things for miles in any direction.” Just … Read more
The Seven Dwarfs Six of the seven dwarfs are sitting around the house one day when Sleepy rushes in and says, “Guess what guys, I’ve won a trip to see the Pope!” Everyone gets all excited and chants, “We finally get to ask him, we finally get to ask him.” The next day, they’re all … Read more
A driver was pulled over by a police officer for speeding. As the officer was writing the ticket, she noticed several machetes in the car. “What are those for?” she asked suspiciously. “I’m a juggler,” the man replied. “I use those in my act.” “Well, show me,” the officer requested. So he got out the … Read more
It was a stifling hot day and a man fainted in the middle of a busy intersection. Traffic quickly piled up in all directions, so a woman rushed to help him. When she knelt down to loosen his collar, a man emerged from the crowd, pushed her aside, and said, “It’s all right, I’ve had … Read more
Two attorneys went into a diner and ordered two drinks. Then they produced sandwiches from their briefcases and started to eat. The owner became quite concerned and marched over and told them, “You can’t eat your own sandwiches in here!” The attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders, and then exchanged sandwiches.