You may be a redneck if: – Your porch collapses and more than six dogs die – You mow your lawn and find a car – You consider a family reunion as a chance to meet “Ms. Right” – You grab your boots, a jacket, and a flashlight to go to the bathroom – Your … Read more
A man went to an eye specialist to get his eyes tested and asked, “Doctor, will I be able to read after wearing glasses?” “Yes, of course,” said the doctor, “why not!” “Oh! How nice it would be,” said the patient with joy, “I’ve been illiterate for so long.”
Signs You Are “Webbed Out” From Using The Web: – Your opening line is, “So what’s your home page address?” – Your best friend is someone you’ve never met. – You see a beautiful sunset and you expect to see “Enhanced for IE 5.5” on the clouds. – You are overcome with disbelief, anger, and … Read more
There was this Christian lady that had to do a lot of traveling for her business, so she did a lot of flying. But flying made her nervous, so she always took her Bible along with her to read, and it helped relax her. One time she was sitting next to a man. When he … Read more
Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on his computer. They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of hearing all of the bickering. Finally, God said, “Cool it. I am going to set up a test that will run two hours and I will judge … Read more
A man hasn’t been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. Afterward, the doctor comes out with the results. “I’m afraid I have some very bad news,” the doctor says. “You’re dying, and you don’t have much time left.” “Oh, that’s terrible!” says the man. “How long have I got?” … Read more
The other day, I was on my way home from work when the most remarkable thing happened. Traffic was heavy as usual, and as I sat there at a red light, out of nowhere, a bird slammed into my windshield. If that wasn’t bad enough, the poor creature got its wing stuck under the windshield … Read more
An American and a North Korean are bragging about their countries. The American says, “In my country, our technology is so good that we know who will win an election two hours before the polls close!” The North Korean doesn’t blink and says, “Well, in my country, we know who will win two years before … Read more
A minister, a priest, and a rabbi went for a hike one day. It was very hot. They were sweating and exhausted when they came upon a small lake. Since it was fairly secluded, they took off all their clothes and jumped in the water. Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries … Read more
A man walks into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened. “Well, it was like this,” said the man. “I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife when she sliced her ball into a pasture of … Read more