Just before a new redneck had his first parachute jump, his sergeant reminded him, “Count to ten, then pull the first rip cord. If it snarls, pull the second rip cord for your auxiliary chute. After you land, our truck will pick you up.” The paratrooper took a deep breath and jumped. He counted to … Read more
“Hey Sam!” exclaimed Jim, meeting a buddy for the first time since the war’s end. “Did you marry that girl you were dating a while back, or are you still doing your own cooking and ironing?” “Yes,” replied Sam.
A young couple trying to live up to a snobbish lifestyle went to a party. The conversation soon came to Mozart, “Absolutely brilliant…lovely…oh, a fine fellow…a genius, Mozart was.” The woman, wanting to get in on the conversation remarked, “Ah, Mozart. You’re so right. It was just this morning that I saw him getting on … Read more
A woman went to her psychiatrist and said, “Doctor, I want to talk to you about my husband. He thinks he’s a refrigerator.” “That’s not so bad,” said the doctor. “It’s a rather harmless complex.” “Well, maybe,” replied the lady. “But he sleeps with his mouth open and the light keeps me awake along with … Read more
“Well, how are you getting on with your dating of the banker’s daughter?” “Not so bad. I’m getting some encouragement now.” “Really, is she beginning to smile sweetly at you or something?” “Not exactly, but last night she said that she’s said ‘no’ for the last time.”
A blonde wearing a brown wig walks into a store and says to an employee, “I’d like to buy that TV.” The employee replies, “Sorry, I don’t sell TVs to blondes,” and the blonde leaves the store. The next day, the same blonde walks in wearing a red wig. She says, “I wish to buy … Read more
Doctor: I have some good news and some bad news. Which do you want first? Patient: Give me the bad news first. Doctor: Well, we accidentally amputated the wrong leg. Patient: What’s the good news? Doctor: It turns out that your other leg didn’t need to be amputated at all.
The loudspeaker of the big jet clicked on, and the captain’s voice announced: “There’s no cause for alarm, but we felt you should know that for the last three hours we’ve been flying without the benefit of radio, compass, radar, or navigational beam due to the breakdown of several important components. So, in the broad … Read more
Two men were digging a ditch on a very hot day. One said to the other, “Why are we down in this hole digging a ditch on such a hot day, while our boss is sitting in the shade?” “I don’t know,” responded the other. “I’ll ask him.” So he climbed out of the hole … Read more
A professor invented a lie-detecting chair. Whenever anybody sitting in it told a lie, the chair would open up and dump the liar on the floor. During an experiment, a brunette sat in the chair, and the professor asked her to tell about herself. She began, “I think you are the best teacher I’ve ever … Read more