A doctor and a lawyer in two cars collided on a country road. The lawyer, seeing that the doctor was a little shaken up, helped him from the car and offered him a drink from his hip flask. The doctor accepted and handed the flask back to the lawyer, who closed it and put it … Read more
A lawyer sent an overdue bill to a client with a note that said, “This bill is one year old.” By return mail, the lawyer received the bill back with a note attached to it, saying: “Happy Birthday.”
Joe: When I would wear my hand-me-downs to school, all of the boys would make fun of me. Moe: What did you do? Joe: I hit them over the head with my purse.
Wife: When we were younger, you used to nibble on my ear. (The husband starts leaving the room.) Wife: Where are you going? Husband: To get my teeth!
A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. “I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least five pounds.” When the blonde returns, she’s lost nearly 20 pounds. … Read more
A timid little man in a restaurant carefully touched the arm of a man putting on an overcoat. “Excuse me,” he said, “but do you happen to be Mr. Smith?” “No, I’m not!” the man answered impatiently. “Oh… er… well,” stammered the first man, “you see, I am, and that’s his overcoat you’re putting on.”
There were three men in a boat halfway across a lake. The first man suddenly said, “I forgot my lunch.” He then got out of the boat and proceeded to walk to shore on top of the water. Later, the second man got up and said, “I forgot my fishing tackle,” and walked across the … Read more
Newsboy: Extra, extra! Read all about it – two men swindled. Man: Give me one. Say, there isn’t anything about two men being swindled. Newsboy: Extra, extra! Three men swindled.
A teacher came home and slumped in his favorite chair with a discouraged look. His wife asked him what was wrong. “You know those aptitude tests we’re giving at the school? Well, I took one today for fun. It’s a good thing I’m the teacher.”
There once was a very happy truck driver who was eating in a diner at night. Three motorcyclists came and proceeded to pick on the truck driver by pouring pepper and salt all over him, spitting in his coffee, and stealing his food. The truck driver didn’t do anything, just stood up, paid his check, … Read more