At a lecture series, a very poor speaker was on the platform. As he was speaking, people began to get up and leave. It continued like this until there was only one person left in the audience. Finally, the speaker stopped and asked the man why he stayed until the end. He replied, “I’m the … Read more
Girl: Did you kiss me when the lights were out? Boy: No. Girl: It must have been that other boy in the corner. Boy, starting to get up: I’ll teach him a thing or two! Girl: You couldn’t teach him a thing!
The airline company was disturbed over a high percentage of accidents and decided to eliminate the possibility of human errors by building a completely automated aircraft. “Ladies and gentlemen,” came a voice over the loudspeaker on the plane’s maiden voyage, “it may interest you to know that you are flying on the first fully automated … Read more
My arm started to hurt, so I asked a doctor to examine it. She looked at my arm, brought out a medical book, and studied it for about 10 minutes. Then she said to me, “Have you ever had that pain before?” I nodded yes. “Well, you’ve got it again.”
Professor: If there are any idiots in the classroom, please stand up. There was a long pause, then a lone freshman stood up in the back. Professor: So you consider yourself an idiot? Freshman: Well, not exactly. I just hated seeing you being the only one standing.
A man sought medical aid because he had popped eyes and a ringing in his ears. A doctor looked him over and suggested removal of his tonsils. The operation resulted in no improvement, so the patient consulted another doctor who suggested removal of his teeth. The teeth were pulled, but still, his eyes kept popping … Read more
A blonde lived on a farm. He didn’t get many visitors, so I went to see him. When I got there, he was standing stiff as a board, out in the middle of the cow paddock. I yelled out to him and asked what he was doing standing out there all still and straight. He … Read more
Young Father O’Reilly, newly ordained, was to hear his first confessions. Anxious to get his ministry off on the right foot, he asked the experienced Father McMartin to sit in and critique his handling of the assignment. At the end of the day, the two clergymen sat in the rectory and reviewed O’Reilly’s performance. “Not … Read more
While cruising at nearly forty thousand feet, the airplane shuddered and Mr. Benson looked out the window. “My gosh!” he screamed, “one of the engines just blew up!” Other passengers left their seats and came running over; suddenly the aircraft was rocked by a second blast as yet another engine exploded on the other side. … Read more
A speaker was having a little trouble getting started in his speech. All of a sudden, someone from the audience shouted: “Tell ’em everything you know. It will only take a minute.” “I’ll tell ’em what we both know,” shot back the speaker. “It won’t take any longer.”