A pipe burst in a doctor’s house. He called a plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber-type things for a while, and handed the doctor a bill for $800. The doctor exclaimed, “This is ridiculous! I don’t even make that much as a doctor!” The plumber waited for him to finish and … Read more
One day, the owner of a very large daily newspaper company walked down the halls and greeted one of his workers, “Jones, how long have you been working here?” Jones replied, “Ever since I heard you coming down the hall.”
Flight attendant: I’m sorry to inform you, Mr. Jones, but we accidentally left your wife back in Chicago. Man: Thank goodness! I thought I was going deaf!
“This little computer,” said the sales clerk, “will do half of your job for you.” Studying the machine, the senior VP said, “Fine, I’ll take two.”
“Joe,” a teacher reprimanded the teenager in the hall, “do you mind telling me whose class you’re cutting this time?” “Like,” the young teen replied, “uh, see, okay, like it’s like I really don’t like think like that’s really important, y’know, like because I’m y’know, like I don’t get anything out of it.” “It’s English … Read more
The prominent middle-aged attorney was walking in the woods when he heard a booming voice from above say, “You are going to live to be 100.” That must be God speaking, the attorney thought. Immediately, he began doing good deeds, figuring out that he now had ample time to make amends in order to enter … Read more
After examining his patient, he informed Mr. Jones, “I’m afraid you only have two months left to live. Do you have any requests?” “Yes, I’d like a second opinion.” “Fine. I also think you’re ugly as sin.”
A blonde girl just stepped into the bathtub when the doorbell rang. “Who is it?” she called out. “Blind man,” came the response. Feeling charitable, the blonde dashed from the tub without bothering to put on any clothes, grabbed her purse, and opened the door. The man’s jaw dropped and he stammered, “Wh-where do you … Read more
A man dropped by his friend’s house to pay him a visit and was amazed to see him playing a game of chess with his dog. After a few minutes, he burst out, “That’s the most incredible dog I’ve ever seen!” “Oh, he isn’t so smart,” was the answer. “I’ve beaten him three games out … Read more
“As you can see, class,” said the medical school professor, pointing to an X-ray, “this patient limps because his left fibula and tibia are both radically arched. Johnson, what would you do in this case?” “Well, ma’am,” said the student, “I suppose I’d limp, too.”