A blowhard Air Force major was promoted to colonel and received a brand-new office. His first morning behind the desk, an airman knocked on the door and asked to speak to him. After telling him to come in, the colonel felt an urge to impress the young airman, so he picked up his phone and … Read more
Professor Papp, turning to woman: Can you believe that the trustees named someone so ugly to be our new dean? Woman: I beg your pardon! Do you know who I am? I’m that ugly man’s wife! Professor Papp: And do you know who I am? Woman: No, I haven’t had the “pleasure.” Professor Papp: Good, … Read more
A burglar entered the house of a Quaker and proceeded to rob it. The Quaker heard the noise, took his shotgun downstairs, and pointed the gun at the burglar. He then said gently, “Friend, I mean thee no harm, but thou standest where I am about to shoot.”
Walking his blonde date to the front door, Keith said to her, “Will I see you pretty soon?” “What’s the matter,” she asked, hurt. “Don’t you think I’m pretty now?”
According to statistics, last year over 17 million American families paid a lot of money for things that looked funny and didn’t work. Seven million of these were antiques, and the rest were college students.
An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness, and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender asks him, “You know, a pint goes flat after … Read more
A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said to him, “I’ll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your bible a little, and get your hair cut, then we will … Read more
There were three women speeding down a country road. One was a brunette, another a redhead, and the third a blonde. A cop saw them speeding and put on his siren. The three girls pulled over, got out of the car, and each climbed up a different tree to hide. The cop pulled over and … Read more
A man took his old duck to the doctor, concerned because the duck wouldn’t eat. The doctor explained to the man that as ducks age, their upper bills grow down over their lower bills and make it difficult for the animal to pick up its food. “What you need to do is gently file the … Read more
There were these two builders called Pat & Mick who were working on a building site. One day, during their lunch break, Pat notices something in Mick’s lunchbox: “What’s that long silver thing in your box, Mick?” “Oh, that, it’s my Thermos Flask,” replies Mick. “What’s a Thermos Flask?” inquires Mick. “It keeps hot things … Read more