A Jewish man moved into a strict Catholic neighborhood. Every Friday, the Catholics practically went crazy. While they were eating fish, the Jew was in his backyard barbecuing steaks. So, the Catholics finally decided to try and convert the Jew to Christianity. Finally, by long endurance, the Catholics succeeded. They took the Jew to a … Read more
An architect, an artist, and an accountant were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress because of the passion and mystery he … Read more
A budding actor says, “Dad, guess what? I’ve got my first part in a play. I play the role of a man who has been married for 25 years.” Father responds, “That’s a good start, son. Just keep at it, and one of these days you’ll get a speaking part.”
A nerdy-looking fellow shuffled timidly into the sales manager’s office. “I don’t suppose you want to buy any life insurance?” he asked hesitantly. “No, I don’t.” “That’s what I figured. Well, thanks anyway.” And he turned and made gratefully for the door. “Hang on a sec, young man,” the executive called out. “You know, I’ve … Read more
On the local rock radio station, the DJ was reading out some requests. “This is a special birthday dedication to Sarah who’s one hundred and eleven!” Puzzled by how someone could be that old and listening to rock music, he re-read the message on the sheet of paper in front of him and then said, … Read more
A woman went to a tattoo parlor. The artist was curious at her unusual request: a turkey on one leg and a ham on the other. The woman looked at the artist and said, “My husband complains there is nothing good to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas!”
Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, “Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?” When Mary didn’t stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. “God … Read more
There was this king who had a daughter he must marry off. But he could not because everything the princess touched melted. The king then decided to hold a competition of knights. Whoever brought in something that the princess could not melt would be the one to marry her. The first knight brought in the … Read more
A rich, lonely widow decided that she needed another man in her life, so she placed a personal ad that read: RICH WIDOW LOOKING FOR MAN TO SHARE LIFE AND FORTUNE WITH THE FOLLOWING QUALIFICATIONS: 1. WON’T BEAT ME UP 2. WON’T RUN AWAY 3. HAS TO BE GREAT IN BED For several months, her … Read more
There was a really clever blonde, Tinkerbell, Santa Claus, and a really clever brunette all in a competition to win a million pounds. The question is “Which one won it?” The really clever brunette because none of the others exist.