A guy went into this bar and saw a man with a shrunken head. Amazed, he goes up to him and asks how it happened. “I was a sailor who was shipwrecked on a deserted island,” he replies. “When I was on the island, I saw a woman who looked like she was drowning, so … Read more
Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a romantic week vacation. When they get there, the guy goes out to chop some wood. When he gets back, he says, “Honey, my hands are freezing!” She says, “Well put them here between my legs and that will warm them up.” After lunch he goes … Read more
A company manager was told one day that he had to make one of his staff redundant. He decided that he could probably afford to get rid of either Jack or Jill as they performed similar roles. He decided that over the next few days he would see who was the better worker. Jack came … Read more
This guy is cruising at about 90 mph on the highway when a cop flicks on his siren. The guy starts to speed up, and so the cop starts to chase him. They get to 120, then 130, and finally 140 mph when all of a sudden the guy stops and pulls over. The cop … Read more
An Irish guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. “What’s up?” he says. “I’m having a heart attack,” cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he’s dialling, his … Read more
These three guys escape from Alcatraz prison. One is British, one is American, and the last one is Turkish. But now they’re bored and so they’re wandering around thinking of something to do. “Let’s play golf,” the American finally says. “I don’t know how to play that,” the Turk says. “Oh, it’s easy,” answers the … Read more
Fellow orders a triple whisky at the bar and strikes up a conversation with the landlord. Fellow: I shouldn’t drink this with what I’ve got! Landlord: Why, what have you got? Fellow: Fifty Pence!
A couple was invited to a masked Halloween Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time … Read more
A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only clingfilm for shorts. The shrink says, “Well, I can clearly see you’re nuts.”
Billy Bob and Lester were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Lester, “Ya know, I reckon I’m about ready for a vacation. Only this year I’m gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your suggestions as to where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. … Read more