There were three nuns who suddenly died. All their lives they wanted to go to heaven, and being nuns, they were pretty sure that they would definitely go there. But when they died, they went to the gates of heaven and they couldn’t get in. They started looking at each other wondering why and suddenly … Read more
Three sons left home, went out on their own, and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the Christmas gifts they were able to give their elderly mother. The first said, “I built a big house for our mother.” The second said, “I sent her a Mercedes with a driver.” The third smiled and said, “I’ve … Read more
A dog walks into an employment agency and says, “I’d like to get a job, please.” The guy at the employment agency says, “Wow, you could easily get a job at the circus with your talents.” The dog replies, “What would the circus want with a plumber?”
Once upon a time, there was a famous sea captain. This captain was very successful at what he did; for years, he guided merchant ships all over the world. Never did stormy seas or pirates get the best of him. He was admired by his crew and fellow captains. However, there was one thing different … Read more
A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on. He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, “I’m on the 7th hole, and you’re a hole behind me, so you … Read more
On the first day of University, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: “The female Halls will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male Halls to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined twenty pounds the first time.” He continued, “Anybody caught breaking this rule … Read more
“I can’t go on like this!” the woman bawled at her husband. “My mother sends us money, my sister buys our kids clothes, and my aunt brings us food. I’m so ashamed.” “You should be!” replied the never-do-well. “Your uncles don’t give us a damn thing.”
An eighty-year-old man was having an annual physical. As the doctor was listening to his heart with the stethoscope, he began muttering, “Oh, oh!” The man asked the doctor what the problem was. “Well,” said the doc, “you have a serious heart murmur. Do you smoke?” “No,” replied the man. “Do you drink in excess?” … Read more
A professor giving a talk to a multinational audience tells a joke about the Germans. Someone at the back of the hall jumps up and protests angrily: “I’m German!” “OK,” says the speaker, “I’ll say it again – slowly.”
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor, and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor, and the doctor said, “Your … Read more