A woman walks into a bar and notices a good-looking cowboy. She approaches him and asks, “Is it true what they say about men with BIG feet?” He replies, “It sure is, Ma’am. Would you like to come to my place and find out?” She sees no harm and decides to spend the night. The … Read more
The phone rings in the maternity ward. Upon answering, the duty midwife is told by a man, “Mrs. Jones is about to give birth; her contractions are just 3 minutes apart!” The midwife asks, “Is this her first child?” Bemused, the man says, “No, don’t be daft, this is her husband!”
This woman goes into labor. They rush to the hospital. When they are there, the doctor comes in and tells the husband about the new invention they have. He says, “This machine right here makes it easier for the woman to have a child. You strap this to your wrist and the father of the … Read more
When I was younger, I hated going to weddings. It seemed that all of my aunts and the grandmotherly types used to come up to me, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, “You’re next.” They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
This couple goes to an agricultural show way out in the countryside on a fine Sunday afternoon and are watching the auctioning off of bulls. The guy selling the bulls announces the first bull to be auctioned off: “A fine specimen, this bull reproduced 60 times last year.” The wife nudges her husband in the … Read more
Three old women are talking about their aches, pains, and bodily dysfunctions. One seventy-five-year-old woman says, “I have this problem. I wake up every morning at seven, and it takes me twenty minutes to pee.” An eighty-year-old woman says, “My case is worse. I get up at eight, and I sit there and grunt and … Read more
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time. “I have good news and bad news,” the owner replied. “The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told … Read more
Two men were having a conversation. A: “My ears got burnt!” B: “How did that happen?” A: “You see, I was ironing and the phone rang and instead of picking up the phone I picked up the iron.” B: “So how did the second one get burnt?” A: “The person called back.”
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy said to Dolly, “I was artificially inseminated this morning.” “I don’t believe you,” said Dolly. “It’s true, straight up, no bull!”