Two elderly sisters donated $5 to a charity and, to their surprise, won tickets to a football game. Since they had never seen a live football game before, Madge thought the free tickets would provide an excellent opportunity for doing so. “I think so, too,” said Mabel. “Let’s go!” They soon found themselves high in … Read more
Her husband had passed on, and the new widow was so distraught that she sought out a spiritualist who told her that her husband was just fine. She added further that he was eagerly awaiting a reunion with her. “Is there anything he needs?” the distraught woman asked, between tears. The spiritualist went into a … Read more
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor, and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor, and the doctor said, “Your … Read more
Catholic Math Little Tommy was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything; flash cards, special learning centers, in short, everything they could think of. Finally, in a last-ditch effort, they took Tommy down and enrolled him in the local Catholic school. After the first day, little Tommy comes home with a very … Read more
A guy named Joe finds himself in dire trouble. His business started going bust and he found himself in serious financial trouble. He was so desperate that he decided to pray for help. “Oh Lord, please help me, I’ve lost my business and if I don’t get some money, I’m going to lose my house … Read more
One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm, a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, “Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?” The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. “I can’t, dear,” she said. “I … Read more
The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist, “You are far too upset and worried about your son. I suggest you take tranquilizers regularly.” On her next visit, the psychiatrist asked, “Have the tranquilizers calmed you down?” “Yes,” the mother answered. “And how is your son now?” he asked. “Who cares?” she … Read more
“You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background,” sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand. “If I wasn’t under oath, I’d return the compliment,” replied the witness.
A rather strange guy walked into a shoe store wanting to buy some new alligator shoes. The clerk quoted a price of $250.00. The guy replied, “This is an outrage. There is no way I will pay that kind of money for a pair of shoes. I can shoot an alligator and get shoes for … Read more
A guy takes his girlfriend to a football game for the first time. After the game, he asked how she liked it. “Oh, I really liked it, but I couldn’t understand why they were killing each other for 25 cents.” “What do you mean?” “Everyone kept screaming, ‘Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!’”