After a lengthy conference with the estranged husband, the lawyer reported to his client, “Mrs. LaMay, I have succeeded in making a settlement with your husband that is eminently fair to both of you.” “Fair to both!” exploded Mrs. LaMay. “I could have done that myself. What the hell do you think I hired a … Read more
Three construction workers were working on a skyscraper, discussing their lunch. The first construction worker said, “Ham, ham, ham! All I ever get is a ham sandwich! I’m so sick of ham sandwiches. If I get another ham sandwich tomorrow, I’m gonna jump off this building and kill myself.” The second construction worker said, “Turkey, … Read more
During the “rush hour” at Houston’s Hobby Airport, a flight was delayed due to a mechanical problem. Since they needed the gate for another flight, the aircraft was backed away from the gate while the maintenance crew worked on it. They were then told the new gate number, which was some distance away. Everyone moved … Read more
While cruising at 40,000 feet, the airplane shuddered and Mr. Benson looked out the window. “Good lord!” he screamed, “one of the engines just blew up!” Other passengers left their seats and came running over; suddenly the aircraft was rocked by a second blast as yet another engine exploded on the other side. The passengers … Read more
These two guys, George and Harry, set out in a hot air balloon to cross the Atlantic Ocean. After 37 hours in the air, George says, “Harry, we better lose some altitude so we can see where we are.” Harry lets out some of the hot air in the balloon, and the balloon descends below … Read more
Three blondes are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, “Excuse me, ladies, I’d like to see your fishing licenses.” “We don’t have any,” replied the first blonde. “Well, if you’re going … Read more
A worried father asked his daughter if her latest beau was serious about their relationship. “I’ll say he is, Daddy,” responded the girl. “Just last night he asked me how much you make, what kind of meals Mom serves, and if you two are easy to get along with.”
The distinguished professor and his chauffeur were talking one day on the way to the next speaking engagement, and the driver said, “I’ve sat in the back and listened to your presentation so many times that I can give it just as well as you can.” The professor said, “I’ll bet you can’t. Just to … Read more
Waitress walks up to a man and says, “Hi, may I take your order please?” The man replies, “Yes, can I get the turtle soup please.” The waitress walks off to go get his order, but the man changes his mind and decides he wants pea soup instead. He calls for the waitress and says, … Read more
Here is the corrected version of the status report: The following is a status report from a business unit to their Y2K coordinator: “Our staff has completed the three years of work on time and on budget. We have gone through every line of code in every program in every system. We have analyzed all … Read more