A Swede, a Norwegian, and a Dane are caught in a snowstorm on the side of a mountain. They stumble across a cave and decide to take shelter. On entering, they are greeted by an awful stench which, on inspection, turns out to come from a half-dead goat that has taken refuge in the cave. … Read more
A farmer and his wife went to a fair. The farmer was fascinated by the airplanes and asked a pilot how much a ride would cost. “$10 for 3 minutes,” replied the pilot. “That’s too much,” said the farmer. The pilot thought for a second and then said, “I’ll make you a deal. If you … Read more
After a long day at the office, Chris came home one day to find his dog with the neighbor’s pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit was obviously dead. Chris panicked! “If my neighbors find out my dog killed their bunny, they’ll hate me forever,” he thought. So he took the dirty, chewed-up rabbit into … Read more
The plumber presented his customer, a lawyer, with a bill charging rates of $500 an hour. The lawyer was outraged, saying, “I don’t even make that kind of money – doesn’t that seem a bit steep?” The plumber replied, “That’s what I thought when I was a lawyer.”
When met by a long procession of people led by a man with a dog, Joe asked the man: “Who died?” “My mother-in-law.” “How?” Joe asked. “The dog bit her.” “Can I borrow the dog?” “Get in line.”
Jeff had been standing in his dark and dank cellar for well over an hour with his hands gripping a leaky pipe. The water spurted between his fingers. His shoes were getting wetter and wetter. Suddenly, he heard his wife’s voice calling down the cellar door. “Honey, you can take your hands off that leak … Read more
A drunken man gets on the bus late one night, staggers up the aisle, and sits next to an elderly woman. She looks the man up and down and says, “I’ve got news for you. You’re going straight to hell!” The man jumps up out of his seat and shouts, “Good heavens, I’m on the … Read more
Two golfers were discussing a bill that Harry, the hospital administrator, had sent to Bill, a recent father. “Harry, this is too much for the use of the delivery room. You know I didn’t get my wife there in time and the baby was born on the hospital’s front lawn.” Harry took the bill, crossed … Read more
During the Cold War many years ago, a young man would ride his bicycle every day from Italy up to the checkpoint at the Yugoslav border where he would be questioned by the uniformed border guard. “Where are you going today, Capitalist Scumbag?” asked the guard. “To visit my mother, Sir.” “Step inside. You will … Read more
A man walked into a bar with his alligator and asked the bartender, “Do you serve lawyers here?” “Sure do,” replied the bartender. “Good,” said the man. “Give me a beer, and I’ll have a lawyer for my ‘gator.”