A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed like an eternity, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, and figuring the wind direction and speed, driving his partner nuts. Finally, his exasperated partner says, “What the hell is taking so long? Hit the goddamn ball!” The guy answers, “My wife is up there … Read more
The Reverend Francis Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So, he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and convinced him to say Mass for him that day. As soon as the Associate Pastor left … Read more
A man comes home after a heavy night’s drinking. His wife won’t open the door for him, so he starts hammering on it. She still won’t let him in, so he starts shouting. The neighbors are starting to notice, so in an attempt to embarrass her, he starts singing at the top of his voice: … Read more
One day, a man came home from work and was greeted by his wife. She told him that she had good news and bad news. He asked, “Well, what’s the good news?” She replied, “The good news is that the airbag works.”
Farmer John was taking his cow and its newborn calf to sell at the auction. On the way, Farmer John got robbed by thieves who beat him up, stripped him of his clothes, and tied him to a tree. The thieves took the mother cow and John’s clothes, escaping but leaving the newborn calf behind. … Read more
An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells him, “You know, a pint goes … Read more
Mrs. Biddle was walking down the street one day carrying a small box with holes punched in the top. “What’s in that box?” Mrs. Riddle asked. “A cat,” Mrs. Biddle answered. “What for?” “I’ve been dreaming about mice at night, and I’m scared of mice. The cat is to catch them.” “But the mice you … Read more
A worried father asked his daughter if her latest beau was serious about their relationship. “I’ll say he is, Daddy,” responded the girl. “Just last night he asked me how much you make, what kind of meals Mom serves, and if you two are easy to get along with.”
A man came down with the flu and was forced to stay home one day. He was glad for the interlude because it taught him how much his wife loved him. She was so thrilled to have him around that when a delivery man or the mailman arrived, she ran out and yelled, “My husband’s … Read more
A little girl came to a pregnant lady and, while pointing to her stomach, asked, “What’s that?” The lady proudly replied, “That’s my little baby, and I love him very much!” The little girl then said, “If you love him that much, then why the hell did you eat him?”