A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th-grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms. “Now, class, closely observe the worms,” said the professor while putting a worm into the water. The worm in the … Read more
A couple married forty years were revisiting the same places they went to on their honeymoon. Driving through the secluded countryside, they passed a ranch with a tall deer fence running along the road. The woman said, “Sweetheart, let’s do the same thing we did here forty years ago.” The guy stopped the car. His … Read more
The plumber presented his customer, a lawyer, with a bill charging rates of $500 an hour. The lawyer was outraged, saying, “I don’t even make that kind of money – doesn’t that seem a bit steep?” The plumber replied, “That’s what I thought when I was a lawyer.”
After watching sales falling off for three straight months at Kentucky Fried Chicken, the Colonel calls up the Pope and asks for a favor. The Pope says, “What can I do?” The Colonel says, “I need you to change the daily prayer from, ‘Give us this day our daily bread’ to ‘Give us this day … Read more
After the Great Britain Beer Festival in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer. The guy from Corona sits down and says, “Hey Sen~or, I would like the world’s best beer, a Corona.” The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him. The guy from … Read more
Bill Clinton is in an elementary class and is trying to teach the students what a tragedy is. He asks if anyone knows. One kid stands up and says, “I know. If I was in the street and got hit by a car, that would be a tragedy.” Clinton says, “No son, that would be … Read more
Cleaning out the aviary at a run-down zoo, the keeper finds two finches have dropped dead from old age. In the monkey cage, he discovers two of the oldest chimps have also kicked the bucket. Waste not, want not, so he puts them in a sack with the finches and later tips them in the … Read more
Three guys, a Canadian, an Iraqi, and an Israeli are out walking together one day. They come across a lantern, and a Genie pops out of it. “I will give you each one wish, that’s three wishes total,” says the genie. The Canadian says, “I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my … Read more
Man goes to see the Rabbi. “Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it.” The Rabbi asked, “What’s wrong?” The man replied, “My wife is poisoning me.” The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, “How can that be?” The man then pleads, “I’m telling you, I’m certain she’s poisoning … Read more
Al and Tipper Gore were sitting down to their usual cup of morning coffee, listening to the weather report coming over the radio. “There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the odd-numbered side of the streets,” the report announced. … Read more