A man was walking past a graveyard and he heard one of Beethoven’s symphonies playing backwards. He thought to himself, “That’s weird,” and kept walking. The next day, the same man walked past the same cemetery and heard another one of Beethoven’s symphonies playing backwards. He thought to himself, “Now that’s REALLY weird!” and kept … Read more
There were two guys working for the city. One would dig a hole, he would dig, dig, dig, the other would come behind him and fill the hole, fill, fill, fill. These two men worked furiously. One digging a hole, the other filling it up again. A man was watching from the sidewalk and couldn’t … Read more
One night, after a long hard day at work, a politician went home. It was fairly late, around 10:00 p.m. Suddenly, a masked man jumped out of the bushes and demanded all the politician’s money. “You can’t do that!” the politician cried. “I’m a politician!” “Oh,” said the masked man, “in that case, give me … Read more
A man decided that he was going to ride a 10-speed bike from Phoenix to Flagstaff. He got as far as Black Canyon City before the mountains just became too much and he could go no farther. He stuck his thumb out, but after 3 hours, hadn’t gotten a single person to stop. Finally, a … Read more
Jim had an awful day fishing on the lake, sitting in the blazing sun all day without catching a single one. On his way home, he stopped at the supermarket and ordered four catfish. He told the fish salesman, “Pick four large ones out and throw them at me, will you?” “Why do you want … Read more
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, “When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I … Read more
The Tory leader, William Hague, was visiting an elementary school today. When he visited a class in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings, the teacher asked Mr. Hague if he would like to lead the class in the discussion of the word “tragedy.” So, our illustrious leader asks the class … Read more
On the way to preschool with her daughter, the doctor had left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it. “How sweet,” thought the doctor, “my daughter wants to follow in my footsteps!” Then the child spoke into the instrument, “Welcome to McDonald’s. May I … Read more
San Francisco attorney Vince Hallinan was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial in 1986 – it went like this: Q. Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene? A. No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away. Q. Officer, who provided this … Read more
A crusty old Marine Corps colonel found himself at a gala event downtown, hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the colonel for conversation. She said, “Excuse me, sir, but you seem to be a very serious man. Are you … Read more