THE GIRL’S PRAYER Our Cash Which art on plastic Hallowed be thy name Thy Cartier watch Thy Coach bag In Gumps As it is in Tiffany’s Give us each day our Platinum Visa And forgive us our overdraft As we forgive those who stop our Mastercard And lead us not into K-mart And deliver us … Read more
A drunk walks into a bar and says, “Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill.” So, the bartender does just that, and hands the man the bill. The drunk says, “I haven’t got it.” The bartender slaps the guy around a few times then throws him … Read more
Three convicts were on the way to prison. They were each allowed to take one item with them to help them occupy their time while stuck behind bars. On the bus, one turned to another and said, “So, what did you bring?” The second convict pulled out a box of paints and stated that he … Read more
Hello. Welcome to this year’s public service entrance exam. I see that all of you have been able to find yourself a seat and a desk, so obviously you’ve got what it takes to be public servants. Should you pass this exam and become a member of the public service, you will enjoy not only … Read more
Bridget got sick of all these “dumb blonde” jokes. So one evening she went home and memorized all the state capitals. Back in our office the next day, Jim started telling one he just got on the internet. She cut him off cold. “I’ve had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want … Read more
Here was this little guy sitting in a bar, drinking, minding his own business when all of a sudden this great big dude comes in and –WHACK!!– knocks him off the bar stool and onto the floor. The idiot says, “That was a karate chop from Korea.” The little guy thinks “GEEZ,” but he gets … Read more
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were walking along the beach. Suddenly, a seagull flies over and craps all over them. The brunette says in a disgusted voice, “Hang on, the bathroom is just up the hill. I’ll go get some toilet paper.” After she leaves, the blonde begins to laugh. The redhead asks, … Read more
A man was walking home alone late one night when he hears a BUMP… BUMP… BUMP sound behind him. Walking faster, he looks back and makes out the image of an upright coffin banging its way down the middle of the street towards him… BUMP… BUMP… BUMP… Terrified, the man begins to run towards his … Read more
My uncle was in the fertilized egg business when I was young. He had several hundred young layers, called pullets, and 8 or 10 roosters whose job was to fertilize the eggs. My uncle kept records, and any rooster or pullet that didn’t perform well went into the pot and was replaced. Now, this took … Read more
The National Football League announced yesterday its name changes and schedules for the ’99 season. The Washington Native Americans will host the New York Very Tall People on opening day. Other key games include the Dallas Western-Style Laborers hosting the St. Louis Wild Endangered Species, and the Minnesota Plundering Norsemen taking on the Green Bay … Read more