Stage 1 – SMART: This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known Universe. You know you know everything and want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this stage you are always RIGHT. And of course, the person you are talking to is very WRONG. … Read more
Dear Bill, I have been unable to sleep since I broke off your engagement to my daughter. Will you forgive and forget? I was much too sensitive about your mohawk, tattoo, and pierced nose. I now realize that motorcycles aren’t really that dangerous, and I really should not have reacted that way to the fact … Read more
There’s a true story about a convicted con man who was recently found to be impersonating a lawyer in New York City. The judge remarked, “I should have suspected he wasn’t a lawyer. He was always so punctual and polite.”
The boss called in his star salesman and said, “I notice on your last expense report you entered ‘$50 for women.’ I don’t really mind you having a good time and entertaining our clients, but you should be more discreet. From now on, list those expenses as being for hunting.” After that, the salesman’s expense … Read more
A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. “I couldn’t help noticing how happy you look,” she said. “What’s your secret for a long happy life?” “I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day,” he said. “I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty … Read more
Four Catholic ladies were having coffee. The first Catholic woman tells her friends, “My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him ‘Father.’” The second Catholic woman chirps, “My son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people call him, ‘Your Grace.’” The third Catholic mother says, “My … Read more
Joe, the Governor’s most trusted assistant, died in his sleep one night. The Governor had depended on Joe for advice on every subject, from pending bills to wardrobe decisions. In addition, Joe had been his closest friend. So, it was understandable that the Governor didn’t take kindly to the droves of ambitious office seekers who … Read more
A man was strolling along the Beaches area in East Toronto when he spotted a bottle floating in Lake Ontario. The bottle drifted ashore. He picked up the bottle and opened it, and out popped a Genie. “Master, Master you have released me from my bondage in this bottle, ask any three wishes and I … Read more
One day, George Bush, Bill Clinton, and Bob Packwood decide to visit the Wizard of Oz. After a long travel along the yellow brick road, they arrive at the Wizard’s Palace. When they meet the Wizard, he tells them that they may each have one wish fulfilled. The Wizard asks George Bush what he would … Read more
One day, a woman went to a bait shop to get her husband a fishing reel for his birthday. After selecting one, she inquired about its cost. The owner replied, “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I’m blind and cannot see what reel you have. If you drop it on the floor, I’ll recognize it and be … Read more