Three men languished in Purgatory. After a while, they began talking to one another. Eventually, they got around to the age-old question asked by internees everywhere: “Whaddya in for?” The first man sighed, rolled his eyes heavenward and said, “Allah forgive me! I am a Moslem, and I once drank beer with my lunch.” The … Read more
Emma and Geri were locked out of their car and were trying to open the door. Emma: “I can’t get it open!” Geri: “Well, hurry, because the top’s down and it looks like it’s going to rain!” Q: Why does it take a Spice Girl 2 hours to drink orange juice? A: The carton says … Read more
Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb, and Quasimodo were walking through the forest when Sleeping Beauty turned and said, “I must be the most beautiful girl in the world.” To that, Tom Thumb said, “I must be the smallest.” And Quasimodo said, “I must be the ugliest in the world.” With that, Tom Thumb said, “Why don’t … Read more
A sales company has particular trouble selling Bibles in their location. They are always looking for someone to break through to their market and make a real difference. One day, a man comes in with a job application and says, “I-I-I-I’d l-l-l-l-l-like t-t-t-t-t-to b-b-b-b-b-be a B-B-B-Bible salesman, s-s-s-sir.” Initially, he doesn’t want to give the … Read more
One day Tarzan comes home to the treehouse and says, “Jane, give me a double Martini.” Jane says, “What is wrong with you — you don’t drink alcohol!” Tarzan says, “It’s a jungle out there!” “When I’m out of red, I use blue.” – Pablo Picasso
A Martian landed in the country. He went up to a farmhouse and knocked on the door. He told the farmer he would give him $1,000,000 for his flock of sheep. The farmer said, “Okay.” The Martian pulled a tiny sheep out of his pocket, and it ate all the sheep. The Martian then offered … Read more
A kid called up his mum from his college and asked her for some money because he ran out of it. Mum said, “Sure, sweetie. Mum will send you some money. You also left your calculus book here when you visited 2 weeks ago. Do you want me to send that up too?” “Uhh, oh … Read more
A building contractor was being paid by the week for a job that was likely to stretch over several months. He approached the owner of the property and held up the check he’d been given. “This is two hundred dollars less than we agreed on,” he said. “I know,” the owner said. “But last week … Read more
A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, “Hey Willis, forget your troubles. Come in and visit with us. I’ll help you get the wagon up later.” “That’s mighty nice of you,” Willis answered, “but I don’t think Pa would … Read more
The scene was a tiny mountain village in a remote section of West Virginia. An old mountaineer and his young wife were getting a divorce in the local court. But custody of the children was a problem. The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the children … Read more