A guy named Bob receives a free ticket to the Superbowl from his company. Unfortunately, when Bob arrives at the stadium, he realizes the seat is in the last row in the corner of the stadium – he is closer to the Goodyear Blimp than the field. About halfway through the first quarter, Bob notices … Read more
Flying to Los Angeles from San Francisco the other day, a passenger noticed that the “Fasten Seat Belts” sign was kept lit during the whole journey although the flight was a particularly smooth one. Just before landing, he asked the stewardess about it. “Well,” explained the girl, “up front there are 17 University of California … Read more
My wife came home yesterday and said, “Honey, the car won’t start, but I know what the problem is.” I asked her what it was, and she told me it has water in the carburetor. I thought for a moment, then said, “You know I don’t mean this badly, but you don’t know the carburetor … Read more
The baseball season is fast approaching and the Mudville Sliders decided to call a press conference. During that meeting, I overheard some unusual comments: Andy (writer for Sam’s Sports Page): “Will you have the same team as last year, considering you only won 42 games?” Josh (Mudville Manager): “We plan to make a few changes … Read more
A man enters a barbershop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks. “I have just the thing,” says the barber, taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. “Just place this between your cheek and gum.” The client … Read more
DOS: Defective Operating System. WINDOWS: Will Install Needless Data On Whole System. MICROSOFT: Most Intelligent Customers Realise Our Software Only Fools Teenagers. ISDN: It Still Does Nothing. MACINTOSH: Machine Always Crashes. If Not, The Operating System Hangs.
Sure, here is the corrected text: So, you know, I’ve been taking these kung-fu classes lately. I must say, they are great. They teach you how to be as powerful as a tiger, as quick as a monkey, and as smart as a dragon. Why, just the other day, these guys came up to me … Read more
Two church members were going door to door and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their message and slammed the door in their faces. To her surprise, however, the door did not close … Read more
Computer Gender A marketing director for a prominent computer manufacturer was devising a new advertising campaign for his company. While researching consumer response to his product, he asked, “Naval ships are commonly referred to as ‘she’ or ‘her’. What gender would you assign to your computer? Give four reasons to support your answer…” A large … Read more
Steven Spielberg was discussing his new project – an action docudrama about famous composers starring top movie stars. Sylvester Stallone, Steven Seagal, Bruce Willis, and Arnold Schwarzenegger were all present. Spielberg strongly desired the box office ‘oomph’ of these superstars, so he was prepared to allow them to select whatever composers they would portray, as … Read more