Here are a few important observations before the election campaign heats up: – Republican boys always expect to grow up and marry Republican girls and please their parents. But they always date Democratic girls because they think they’re entitled to a little fun first. – Democrats step on bugs. Republicans call an exterminator. – Democrats … Read more
A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.” The man consulted his portable … Read more
On one of his first nights in the White House, Dubya is awakened by the ghost of George Washington. Bush is frightened, but asks, “George, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?” Washington advises him, “Be honest above all else and set an honorable example, just as I did.” This … Read more
A Marine colonel on his way home from work at the Pentagon came to a dead halt in traffic and thought to himself, “Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual. Nothing’s even moving.” He notices a police officer walking back and forth between the lines of cars so he rolls down his window and asks, … Read more
Attorney General Ashcroft was visiting an elementary school. After the typical civics presentation, he announced, “All right, boys and girls, you can ask me questions now.” A little boy named Bobby raised his hand and said, “Mr. Ashcroft, I have three questions. First, how did Bush win the election with fewer votes than Gore? Second, … Read more
A Republican and a Democrat were walking down the street when they came to a homeless person. The Republican gave the homeless person his business card and told him to come to his business for a job. He then took twenty dollars out of his pocket and gave it to the homeless person. The Democrat … Read more
A teacher in a small Vermont town asks her class how many of them are John Kerry fans. Not really knowing what a John Kerry fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raise their hands except one boy. The teacher asks Johnny why he has decided to be different. … Read more
A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, “What are all those clocks?” St. Peter answered, “Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your … Read more
The last four ex-U.S. Presidents are caught in a tornado and off they whirled to Oz. They finally make it to the Emerald City and come before the Great Wizard. “What brings you before the Great Wizard of Oz?” Jimmy Carter steps forward timidly: “I’ve come for some courage.” “No problem!” says the Wizard. “Who … Read more
A busload of politicians were driving down a country road when the bus suddenly ran off the road and crashed into an old farmer’s field. The old farmer heard the tragic crash, so he rushed over to investigate. He then began digging a large grave to bury the politicians. A few hours later, the local … Read more