An old penny pincher had no friends. Just before he died, he asked his doctor, lawyer, and pastor to gather around him at his bedside. “I have always heard that you can’t take it with you. But I want to disprove that theory,” he said. “I have $90,000 under my mattress, and when I die, … Read more
A lawyer and two friends—a Rabbi and a Hindu holy man—had car trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer. The farmer said, “There might be a problem. You see, I only have room for two to sleep in the house. So one of you must sleep in the barn.” … Read more
A priest, a doctor, and a lawyer were waiting one morning on a particularly slow group of golfers. “What’s wrong with these guys?” fumed the lawyer. “We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!” “I don’t know,” said the doctor, “but I’ve never seen such ineptitude!” “Here comes the greenskeeper,” said the priest. “Let’s have … Read more
Three construction contractors were visiting a tourist attraction on the same day. One was from New York, another from Texas, and the third from Florida. At the end of the tour, the tour guide asked them what they did for a living. When they all replied that they were construction contractors, the guide said, “Hey, … Read more
While two families were waiting in line to see the Washington Monument, their two five-year-old boys were getting acquainted. “My name is Joshua. What’s yours?” asked the first boy. “Adam,” replied the second. “My daddy is a doctor. What does your daddy do for a living?” asked Joshua. Adam proudly replied, “My daddy is a … Read more
A man is at his lawyer’s funeral and is surprised by the turnout for this one man. He turns to the people around him and asks, “Why are you all at this man’s funeral?” A man turns towards him and says, “We’re all clients.” The man responds, “And you ALL came to pay your respects? … Read more
Somebody from a local charity is going over some files and realizes he hasn’t gotten any donations from the town’s most successful lawyer. So the man calls the lawyer and says, “Our records show that you haven’t made any donations to us.” The lawyer responds, “Well, did your records show that my mom is sick … Read more
A dying man gathered his Lawyer, Doctor, and Clergyman at his bedside and handed each of them an envelope containing $25,000 in cash. He made them each promise that after his death and during his repose, they would place the three envelopes in his coffin. He told them that he wanted to have enough money … Read more
A clever attorney was convinced he found a way to take all of his riches with him when he died. When he finally became ill and saw that death was imminent, he instructed his wife to sell all of his investments and buy gold coins with the proceeds. She was instructed to place the gold … Read more
NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go and couldn’t return to Earth. The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. “A million dollars,” he answered, “because I want to donate it to M.I.T.” The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the … Read more