Two lawyers are in a bank when suddenly armed robbers burst in. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the lawyers, up against a wall and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc. While this is going on, lawyer number one jams something into lawyer number … Read more
The bartender asks the guy sitting at the bar, “What’ll you have?” The guy answers, “A scotch, please.” The bartender hands him the drink and says, “That’ll be five dollars.” The guy replies, “What are you talking about? I don’t owe you anything for this.” A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says … Read more
One day, a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw a guy eating grass. He told the driver to stop. He got out and asked him, “Why are you eating grass?” The man replied, “I’m so poor, I can’t afford anything to eat.” So the lawyer said, “Poor guy, come back to my … Read more
A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town’s most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. “Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn’t you … Read more
A big-city California lawyer went duck hunting in rural Texas. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer’s field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, … Read more
This memo is to announce the development of a new software system which will be Year 2000 compliant. This program is known as “Millennia Year Application Software System” (MYASS). Next Monday, there will be a meeting in which I will show MYASS to everyone. We will hold demonstrations throughout the month so that all employees … Read more
An application was for employment, A program was a TV show, A cursor used profanity, A keyboard was a piano! Memory was something that you lost with age, A CD was a bank account, And if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy, You hoped nobody found out! Compress was something you did to garbage, … Read more
Since AOL has introduced their unlimited hours package, they have started displaying special messages to customers: 1. You have been online for 46 minutes. Do you want to stay online? Please respond within 10 minutes, or you will be logged off. 2. You have been online for 135 minutes. Not to put any pressure on … Read more
At a recent computer expo (1996 COMDEX), Bill Gates compared the computer industry to the automotive industry by stating: “If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving cars that cost $25.00 and get 1,000 miles to the gallon.” In response to Bill’s comment, General Motors issued … Read more
One day, a mechanical engineer, electrical engineer, chemical engineer, and computer engineer were driving down the street in the same car when it broke down. The mechanical engineer said, “I think a rod broke.” The chemical engineer said, “The way it sputtered at the end, I think it’s not getting enough gas.” The electrical engineer … Read more