To: All Employees
Subject: Special High Intensity Training
Dear Team,
In order to ensure that we continue to produce the highest quality work possible, it will be our policy to keep all employees well-trained through our program of Special High Intensity Training (S.H.I.T.). We are committed to providing our employees with more S.H.I.T. than any other company in the country.
If you feel you are not receiving your share of S.H.I.T. on the job, please speak with your supervisor. You will be prioritized on his S.H.I.T. list for special attention.
All of our supervisors are highly qualified to ensure that you receive all the S.H.I.T. you need at your own pace.
If you believe you are already sufficiently trained, you may be interested in assisting us in training others. We can add you to our Basic Understanding Lecture List, Special High Intensity Training (B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T.).
For any further inquiries, please contact our Head of Training, Special High Intensity Training (H.O.T.S.H.I.T.).
Thank you,
Boss in General
Special High Intensity Training (B.I.G.S.H.I.T.)
PS. With the exceptional qualities some of you exhibit, you could easily become the Director of Intensity Programming, Special High Intensity Training.